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marty-thermic
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don't do that
hello doctor
super spanx
father knows best
brick-dumb
make marty happy
quick tongue
the universal language
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priceless
one percent
i prefer the term mature
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comfort-what?
have you seen my manhood
front yard
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you're welcome
smarts
worm-age
watch out
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what are you, a comedian
you're what?
awesome ii
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hands where i can see 'em
a phase
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jack, you're in
slackers need not apply
how does this work
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so ya know
don't walk
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got milk?
problem solving
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totally awesome
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the c-word
beatdown
mouthache
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adults only
take your meds
onslaught
enjoy your anger
crystal clear
pint size pi
good thinking
i get your wieners
incompetence
oh yeah
shame on you
street credit
get your ass out here
uhhhhmmm
daredevil's club
found
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once upon a time
philosophies
sleeping naked
short-lived
keep it down up there
little things
eighteen years
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old (part ii)
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no secrets
adolescence
old
sugar-coated
new mom
outmatched
different
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calling home
oma
flavored and scented
try again
just a child
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now?
i'm not sleeping there
smart, smart girl
don't feed the animals
free pizza
the bedtime story
currency
you should know
dinner-table biology
dad has to go
three shows
remedial self-help
the last word
look before you leak
a gooder name
can i keep this?
missing keri
three percenter
things that are yellow
adopt you
37 years in 5 minutes
finish pooping please
marcher
warrior, part ii
go hide
be a warrior
you rang
your name's what?
motherhood
how'd that get in there?
i don't do that
i gotta know
i don't like that
confused (part i)
show me
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life post-larry
hey, i know you
smell my finger
who are you, supergirl?
the lie
i gotta go!
easy money
thanks for telling me
i need a minute
he's only five!
you in the closet?
reach into daddy's pocket
look into my eyes
is that my toothbrush?
overall funk
talk to my people
it's also neat
is there any other kind
did you read that article
the exchange student
hey boo-boo
he does have his limits
i said no!
may i have your attention?
i have a question
but it's dirty
that explains it
museum naked
feelin' sexy
little bo sheep
infinitesimal talk
hale bop alula
ipod you
thanking delusion
chiniqua
circuitious
what did you say?
the reflex
oh that kind of house
would you mind?
naked
excuse me ladies
is that egg on your face?
boy genius
questions aren't dumb
the wedding toast (part i)
andy gibb is coming
ring the bell sir
the party line
i need penis problems
grab a kneeler
drive faster mom!
white castle
heat sucks
the wrong question
special hole
you order wrong
who's circumcised

I GOTTA GO!
< prev next >
CAST: bella and troy
SETTING:   sitting around house
SCENE: bella comes running up to me a touch on the frantic side.

BELLA
daddy! daddy! i've got to go potty!

TROY
do you have to go poop?

BELLA
yes.

TROY
do you want to go on the toilet?

BELLA
no.

TROY
if you go poop on the toilet, you get a present.

BELLA
you have a present for me?

TROY
yes. for the first time you go poop on the toilet i have a present for you.

BELLA
what is it?

TROY
i can't tell you. it's a present.

BELLA
is it hair?

TROY
no bella, it is not hair.

BELLA
is it a racecar?

TROY
no.

BELLA
is it a fork?

TROY
no.

BELLA
is they ears?

TROY
no. it is not a set of ears. and as far as that goes, it is not any kind of human body part. and, you're not going to ever guess what it is. you'll just have to go potty on the toilet and find out.

BELLA
oh.

TROY
so do you want to go potty on the toilet?

BELLA
no.

TROY
don't you want your present?

BELLA
no. i don't want a present.



I GOTTA GO!
< prev next >


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