TROY
guys. while i was waiting for the ice cream this car pulled into the lot and this kid was driving it around like a moron, punching it, and braking really fast which is pretty idiotic given all the people and kids walking around the lot.

BELLA
it's not nice to call people idiots.

TROY
that is true except when they are idiots. but i was watching him thinking he was going to hit someone. and then he started backing up into a spot and i noticed there was a light pole in the space he was backing into and i thought it was too good to be true that he was punch it into the spot and slam into the cement pillar holding the light. i thought there is no way i've done enough good things in my life for this, yes bella, moron to slam his souped up little car into the light pole. and you know what happened?

ALEX
he didn't hit it.

TROY
nope. he did hit it. it seems i have done enough good things in my life because he totally slammed into it. and he hit it so hard the light was swaying back and forth.

ALEX
imagine if the light fell on his car.

ANTHONY
ohhh. that would have been great.

TROY
i was hoping the air bags would have exploded and hit them in their wieners.

ANTHONY
AAHHHH! that would have been so awesome. hit them in the wieners.

ALEX
yeah. haaaa.

BELLA
father! you really need to work on your potty mouth. there are boys in my class, in the fifth grade, that are more mature than you!

MARTY
bella. he's just trying to make the boys laugh. and based on their tittering in the back i'd say he's doing a fine job.

BELLA
well i'm fed up with it. and if it continues i'm going to start using some swear words i know.

ANTHONY
like holy shits.

BELLA, TROY
what did you just say anthony!?!?

ANTHONY
holy shits!

MARTY
(about spit custard all over the dashboard and has her hand over her mouth trying to hold it in.)

BELLA
anthony! you are not to say that. that is a swear word. you owe the swear jar a quarter.

ANTHONY
or you could say dick.

(then turning to alex as if educating him, anthony added)

ANTHONY
that's another word for your penis.

BELLA (looking to me)
see. see what you've done?

TROY
what?!?! me??? i didn't do that. i've never said holy shits in my life.

ANTHONY
holy shits!

MARTY (through laughter)
anthony you have to stop saying that.

ANTHONY
why?

MARTY
because you're going to make me pee my pants.

ANTHONY (here anthony and alex looked at each other and burst into greater hysterics.)
holy shits. holy shits. holy shits.

BELLA
ANTHONY! will you stop saying that.

ANTHONY
but i'm trying to make mom pee her pants.

BELLA
AHHHHHHHHHHH!