TROYSCRIPTS

About
the troyscripts explained

Archives
marty-thermic
personal question
don't do that
hello doctor
super spanx
father knows best
brick-dumb
make marty happy
quick tongue
the universal language
siblings
honesty, honestly
priceless
one percent
i prefer the term mature
ice-balls
outfoxed
comfort-what?
have you seen my manhood
front yard
advice
you're welcome
smarts
worm-age
watch out
too sharp
perspective
dream fail
what are you, a comedian
you're what?
awesome ii
awesome
hands where i can see 'em
a phase
left field
logic
sobbing
humiliated
jack, you're in
slackers need not apply
how does this work
rat-fink
mixed-up
rockwell christmas
me-minus
house rules
motivation
confidence
player
vcr
cool and sophisticated
new game
boyfriend
a hole
questions
battle
got religion
realization
i can read
so ya know
don't walk
misdirected
potty words
unexpected
critique
thursday morning
bathroom words
acting out
got milk?
problem solving
timing
totally awesome
dry meat
the c-word
beatdown
mouthache
punked
good to know
adults only
take your meds
onslaught
enjoy your anger
crystal clear
pint size pi
good thinking
i get your wieners
incompetence
oh yeah
shame on you
street credit
get your ass out here
uhhhhmmm
daredevil's club
found
schooled
stand-off
once upon a time
philosophies
sleeping naked
short-lived
keep it down up there
little things
eighteen years
multi-purpose
old (part ii)
curious
no secrets
adolescence
old
sugar-coated
new mom
outmatched
different
mercial
confused
calling home
oma
flavored and scented
try again
just a child
a pack of lies
now?
i'm not sleeping there
smart, smart girl
don't feed the animals
free pizza
the bedtime story
currency
you should know
dinner-table biology
dad has to go
three shows
remedial self-help
the last word
look before you leak
a gooder name
can i keep this?
missing keri
three percenter
things that are yellow
adopt you
37 years in 5 minutes
finish pooping please
marcher
warrior, part ii
go hide
be a warrior
you rang
your name's what?
motherhood
how'd that get in there?
i don't do that
i gotta know
i don't like that
confused (part i)
show me
the uphill battle
life post-larry
hey, i know you
smell my finger
who are you, supergirl?
the lie
i gotta go!
easy money
thanks for telling me
i need a minute
he's only five!
you in the closet?
reach into daddy's pocket
look into my eyes
is that my toothbrush?
overall funk
talk to my people
it's also neat
is there any other kind
did you read that article
the exchange student
hey boo-boo
he does have his limits
i said no!
may i have your attention?
i have a question
but it's dirty
that explains it
museum naked
feelin' sexy
little bo sheep
infinitesimal talk
hale bop alula
ipod you
thanking delusion
chiniqua
circuitious
what did you say?
the reflex
oh that kind of house
would you mind?
naked
excuse me ladies
is that egg on your face?
boy genius
questions aren't dumb
the wedding toast (part i)
andy gibb is coming
ring the bell sir
the party line
i need penis problems
grab a kneeler
drive faster mom!
white castle
heat sucks
the wrong question
special hole
you order wrong
who's circumcised

HE'S ONLY FIVE!
< prev next >
CAST: the 'why the hell wouldn't ya' guy, a woman with four children
SETTING:   wal-mart
SCENE: the WTHWY guy is trying to get down an aisle in wal-mart and is blocked in on one side by this woman and on the other side by one of her four children. he stood waiting, patiently, for about half a minute before the woman saw him.

THE MOTHER OF FOUR (turning and seeing the WTHWY guy)
oh! i'm sorry. we're blocking your way. sorry. johnny move out of the man's way.

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
that's ok.

(woman turns to address another child. the boy in the way doesn't listen or move. after another thirty seconds or so, the woman notices the child still standing in the way. the WTHWY guy continues to wait, still patiently.)

THE MOTHER OF FOUR (turning and seeing the child still in the way)
johnny! i told you to get out of the man's way! move!

(the child continues to stand there. the WTHWY guy decides to turn around and go the other way, passing the woman.)

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
excuse me.

THE MOTHER OF FOUR (now trying to get out of the way)
i'm sorry about that.

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY
yeah, whatever.

THE MOTHER OF FOUR (leaning into the WTHWY guy's face)
HEY! HE'S ONLY FIVE YEARS OLD!

THE 'WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YA' GUY (leaning into her face)
BUT YOU'RE NOT!!!

(after getting past her, the WTHWY guy pushed his cart along whistling like ed norton after clearing out his desk in fight club.)




even on a good day, there's only so much patience you can hope to obtain from the why the hell wouldn't ya guy.




HE'S ONLY FIVE!
< prev next >


Welcome Professional MonoRail TroyScripts Gallery