PART 3 - What makes the perfect gift?
(In case you missed part 2, it is here)
The logical continuation of this conversation is how did it come to this? How does something like shopping on the bed come into existence? When I give it a few minutes thought, I can see how this might happen. Fact is, I think my mother would have preferred a shopping on the bed option given how inept her husband and son were at gift-buying. We would have likely fared better teaching classes on proper feminine hygiene practices than how to buy a good gift. This, I openly confess. Gift buying is challenging. Always has been and likely always will be. But challenging things are not impossible things. It just means it will take some foresight, some intentionality, and yes, some effort.
On this subject, my greatest lesson came from one of my oldest friends, Bookpimp. He is an exceptional gift giver
1. After being on the receiving end of multiple presents from him, I asked him how he did it. As casually as if I asked him the day of the week, he said:
"A good gift is something that someone wants but for whatever reason won't buy for themselves. Who knows why they won't? Maybe it's hard to find, or they think it is too expensive or silly or they are embarrassed to buy it. Doesn't matter. All that matters is if you can put it in their hands, they will appreciate having it."
Perhaps this is obvious to most if not all people, but it was inspired information to me. Further, it forever changed my approach to gift-giving. Previously, I would go about this by imagining I was the person I was buying for, and if I were that person, what would I want to have. I now get there are a dozen problems with this tactic, but at the time, it was the only technique my young mind knew. The Bookpimp-model offered a new framework to work within. And with that in hand, everything in the nerve-fraying game of gift-selection slowed down, and I saw the field much more clearly.
Now, will you ever miss the mark? Yes, of course. But did my arrows land with a much higher frequency than they did before? Yes, without a doubt. It is not about being perfect. There are too many variables at play to put that expectation on yourself. Instead, it is about having a sporting chance for success AND demonstrating some effort in the pursuit. In the end, surprising someone with a gift they were not expecting but are excited to receive brings a special sort of warmth and satisfaction to both parties. That is the gift-giving sweet spot.
1 Another thing Bookpimp was known for, widely, was dispensing excellent relationship advice. Everyone went to him for counsel on affairs of the heart. Guys. Girls. Older people. Even married people (and that is before pimp himself was married). And you might not think it special or odd until you hear that when this was happening Bookpimp had never had a girlfriend. And truth told I believe at the time he may have never even been on a date. This means he was almost certainly the least experienced person in those conversations every time, BUT no one gave better advice than he did. I have zero ideas what that says about relationships or our culture's dating norms or Bookpimp himself. On paper, it should not have worked that way, but in practice, when I had a problem, he was not only my first call, he was my only call.
NEXT
Part 4 - What to get the person who has everything?
