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marty asked me if i would rather be shockingly beautiful and a little dim or super smart and a little dumpy. after refusing to answer her question until she agreed that i already had both looks and smarts i said that it was a no-brainer and really a bit of a non-question. i, as all people, would of course take the brains over the braun. who wouldn't? marty then explained that in a nationwide poll, the great majority of folks contacted wanted the bod, even if it meant needing help dressing it.

while i want to say i'm appalled by this, i guess the realistic part of me is not. everybody's path to happiness seems equally uncertain and for many, i imagine a beautiful head-turning presence seems like the magic rosetta stone separating them from their nirvana. while i can admit it probably wouldn't hurt, for me the ability to engage, challenge and specifically humor people is where the real juice resides. to make people laugh is the ability to hit their brain's g-spot, repeatedly and without their permission. no abdominal six pack or ripply rump can touch a room of humans in the same way, unless perhaps you are pamela anderson and if the poll was talking about those kinds of good looks, i'd like to change my answer.

and, in what is possibly my most narcissistic moment in the near-three year existence of this site (because we all know egotism is the only true path to self-fulfillment), i'm posting the above picture. i don't know who took the shot but the empty chair next to marty is mine. i'm not in it at the moment because i'm busy trying to keep my digestive tract from spilling down my pantleg and at the microphone addressing this audience. had i not been so scared i may have noticed some of these smiling faces during my toast but considering my state i did not. given that minor fact, this photo helped to make my day if not year.

now you'll have to excuse me, i've got an appointment with my personal trainer at the gym.

MAR2003

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