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the bar scene. this is something i don't do a whole lot. correction, this is something i don't do at all. i used to but was broken by the spouse of one of marty's high school girlfriends. you've yet to meet the guy who could tell more stories about being smashed, hammered and wasted in a single sitting. he was your all-too typical card-carrying, ankle-tatooed, window-decaled, bulky sweatshirted frat guy who talked for approximately three hours about the keggers he and his used to have in the alleys and backyards of some state college town.

on a cursory glance many may think he was solely responsible for my never returning to a bar. while he was not the individual reason he did bring an end to a common courtesy marty and i paid one another when it came to the evil spouses of our friends. the rule was 'you put up with mine, i'll put up with yours'. this arrangement ended that evening a little sooner than expected after i sliced my achilles tendon so i could be excused from the affair.

as for the decision to deprive myself of the mentally stimulating bar environs, i simply got tired of going out on social situations to, by my estimation, the worst place on the planet to engage in a social situation. between a scarcity of seating an overabundance of ready-to-rumble meatbacks and criminally priced shit food, i'm at a loss to conceive a solitary plus to a bar's offerings. unless your single of course and looking for mrs or mr right that is because in this scenario bars are the only logical candidate. where else can you stand 8 inches from someone's face, barely see them through the smoke and absolutely not hear them over the din of the bass-ridden music. nowhere i declare, hence making it an ideal locale for engaging that special someone.

but then you can always fall back on my favorite first date outing, take them to the movies where you're not supposed to talk. while i hate it when people do this, i understand taking a first date to the cine. i mean not speaking got bush in the white house, no reason it can't work similar wonders for you.

FEB2003

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