there is this interesting book called the five love languages. in it its author, gary chapman, theorizes there are five ways people show love to one another. they are; physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service. chapman believes that everyone leans towards one of these categories and what that means is that this is how they express their love to an intimate partner. meaning if you are in the physical touch camp, you show your affection to your partner by holding their hand or stuffing your tongue in their mouth. logically, how you show your affection is also how you like, no, expect affection to be given back to you. the obvious rub is if you hook up with someone with a different love language than you, you and the other person will essentially be talking to one another in different languages and this is where all sorts of wacky mayhem may ensue. this is how and why that all-too-typical relationship misfire happens where person A gives person B a crappy ring for valentines day but never holds their hand or kisses them. and person B is sitting there in a slinky outfit wondering why person A won't touch them while person A is just trying to figure out where the hell their x-box 360 is.
aside from one or two days a year, marty and i have always got on reasonably well. still, i will attest that this book/information shed great light on our relationship and behaviors. she's an acts of service person which means if she has a bad day the best thing i can do is not talk to her, touch her, buy her anything or sit next to her but instead go out and wash the car and then do the dishes. if i do anything other than wash the car or do the dishes i'm in for a possible tongue lashing, and not the good kind referenced above.
as for me, i'm a bit of a head-case which is why i've never written about this to date. i think i'm a bit schizo when it comes to giving and receiving affection and through years of conversation about this topic was beginning to privately feel like a bit of an outcast and was a bit shy to admit it to the world. but recently at a work lunch this very topic came up and one of the ladies there familiar with the book said she didn't fit into just one all that well either which kept her husband guessing on some days. so now that i know there are at least two defects in the drawer i can come clean on my love-foible.
i guess some would say needing or wanting a piece of each flavor of the pie makes you a high maintenance pain in the ass and someone to avoid. to that, i'd say people who want it all are just smarter than those who want just one. who wouldn't want someone to commit their time to giving you a back rub while you open a gift they just gave you while they whisper how you're sexier than the 20 year old lifeguard at the pool all while they're doing the week's worth of laundry that falls into your chore list.
and remember, you give what you want which makes me a bit of a love savant being able to meet the pesky needs of any one of 'the five' or at least more in tune on why they're pissed at me and perpetually unfulfilled.