TROYSCRIPTS

About
the troyscripts explained

Archives
logic
sobbing
humiliated
jack, you're in
slackers need not apply
how does this work
rat-fink
mixed-up
rockwell christmas
me-minus
house rules
motivation
confidence
player
vcr
cool and sophisticated
new game
boyfriend
a hole
questions
battle
got religion
realization
i can read
so ya know
don't walk
misdirected
potty words
unexpected
critique
thursday morning
bathroom words
acting out
got milk?
problem solving
timing
totally awesome
dry meat
the c-word
beatdown
mouthache
punked
good to know
adults only
take your meds
onslaught
enjoy your anger
crystal clear
pint size pi
good thinking
i get your wieners
incompetence
oh yeah
shame on you
street credit
get your ass out here
uhhhhmmm
daredevil's club
found
schooled
stand-off
once upon a time
philosophies
sleeping naked
short-lived
keep it down up there
little things
eighteen years
multi-purpose
old (part ii)
curious
no secrets
adolescence
old
sugar-coated
new mom
outmatched
different
mercial
confused
calling home
oma
flavored and scented
try again
just a child
a pack of lies
now?
i'm not sleeping there
smart, smart girl
don't feed the animals
free pizza
the bedtime story
currency
you should know
dinner-table biology
dad has to go
three shows
remedial self-help
the last word
look before you leak
a gooder name
can i keep this?
missing keri
three percenter
things that are yellow
adopt you
37 years in 5 minutes
finish pooping please
marcher
warrior, part ii
go hide
be a warrior
you rang
your name's what?
motherhood
how'd that get in there?
i don't do that
i gotta know
i don't like that
confused (part i)
show me
the uphill battle
life post-larry
hey, i know you
smell my finger
who are you, supergirl?
the lie
i gotta go!
easy money
thanks for telling me
i need a minute
he's only five!
you in the closet?
reach into daddy's pocket
look into my eyes
is that my toothbrush?
overall funk
talk to my people
it's also neat
is there any other kind
did you read that article
the exchange student
hey boo-boo
he does have his limits
i said no!
may i have your attention?
i have a question
but it's dirty
that explains it
museum naked
feelin' sexy
little bo sheep
infinitesimal talk
hale bop alula
ipod you
thanking delusion
chiniqua
circuitious
what did you say?
the reflex
oh that kind of house
would you mind?
naked
excuse me ladies
is that egg on your face?
boy genius
questions aren't dumb
the wedding toast (part i)
andy gibb is coming
ring the bell sir
the party line
i need penis problems
grab a kneeler
drive faster mom!
white castle
heat sucks
the wrong question
special hole
you order wrong
who's circumcised

FREE PIZZA
< prev next >
CAST: man who screams like woman (MWSLW), troy and some guy
SETTING:   used music store in the early 90's
SCENE: i was planning a move and stopped into a music store where mwslw worked to ask for his help. when i arrived he was at the counter talking with some guy.

TROY
hey bud, how you doing?

MWSLW
oh. hey troy, i'm doing well. how are you?

TROY
i'm good. the reason i stopped by is i'm moving next weekend and wanted to see if you could give me a hand. i can get most of the stuff myself but need help with the bigger things.

MWSLW
yeah. sure. i can help.

(MWSLW then deliberately turns and looks at the guy standing next to him. when he doesn't stop silently staring at the guy, i take this as a clue than i'm meant to address hiim, so i do.)

TROY
you can come to. i don't have a lot of stuff so it shouldn't take too long. and afterwards i'm taking everyone to ciceros for pizza.

THE GUY
when is it?

TROY
a week from saturday.

THE GUY
uhhm. i think i can make it.

TROY
great. just check with MWSLW. i'll leave the time and directions with him.

THE GUY
cool. i will.

TROY
thanks guys. i'll see you next week.

(moving day. MWSLW shows up to my new apartment, alone.)

MWSLW
hi troy.

TROY
hey. thanks for coming.

MWSLW
no problem. i'd do a lot more than move a few boxes for free ciceros.

TROY
where's your friend?

MWSLW
what friend?

TROY
the guy you were talking to at the store.

MWSLW
oh, him. i didn't know that guy. he was just a customer.

TROY
a what?

MWSLW
a customer.

TROY
what do you mean he was just a customer? why'd you let me invite him?

MWSLW
let you? i didn't tell you to invite him. you just asked him.

TROY
i asked him because after i asked you, you turned and stared at the guy like i was supposed to ask him.

MWSLW
why would i want you to ask him? i didn't know the guy. like i said, he was a customer. i looked at him because i thought he might have had a question.

TROY
well. whatever. it doesn't matter.

MWSLW
why doesn't it matter?

TROY
it's not like he knows where to go.

MWSLW
uhhm. actually he does.

TROY
and why is that?

MWSLW
because he stopped in the store yesterday for directions.

TROY
and you gave them to him?

MWSLW
why wouldn't i? you invited him.



about ten minutes after the above conversation, the guy showed up, driving a dark green gremlin with a tear-drop window in the rear side panels and fuzzy tassel-balls around the front window. during dinner he repeatedly clicked his barbell tongue piercing against the back of his front teeth and shared how he was saving money to get a hoop piercing over the head of his penis. he went on to say it was a big decision because that style of body-art pierces the underside of the urethera in such a way that if you ever remove the hoop, the hole won't seal back up ... something about the skin that makes up the belly-side of a penis. when i asked him the obvious question; if he got the piercing and then removed it, wouldn't he spray urine out of the bottom of his unit every time he took a leak. he laughingly waved me of saying that notion was silly because all you have to do is hold a finger over the extra opening so it wouldn't leak. he went on to give the table a lesson on the physics of urine as it exits the body. all i know is that at my last workplace, there was a mess of fellas who seemed unable to manage the fluid coming out of their one god-given hole that i had zero faith in the general male populace policing two exit-holes.



FREE PIZZA
< prev next >


Welcome Professional MonoRail TroyScripts Gallery