TROYSCRIPTS

About
the troyscripts explained

Archives
jack, you're in
slackers need not apply
how does this work
rat-fink
mixed-up
rockwell christmas
me-minus
house rules
motivation
confidence
player
vcr
cool and sophisticated
new game
boyfriend
a hole
questions
battle
got religion
realization
i can read
so ya know
don't walk
misdirected
potty words
unexpected
critique
thursday morning
bathroom words
acting out
got milk?
problem solving
timing
totally awesome
dry meat
the c-word
beatdown
mouthache
punked
good to know
adults only
take your meds
onslaught
enjoy your anger
crystal clear
pint size pi
good thinking
i get your wieners
incompetence
oh yeah
shame on you
street credit
get your ass out here
uhhhhmmm
daredevil's club
found
schooled
stand-off
once upon a time
philosophies
sleeping naked
short-lived
keep it down up there
little things
eighteen years
multi-purpose
old (part ii)
curious
no secrets
adolescence
old
sugar-coated
new mom
outmatched
different
mercial
confused
calling home
oma
flavored and scented
try again
just a child
a pack of lies
now?
i'm not sleeping there
smart, smart girl
don't feed the animals
free pizza
the bedtime story
currency
you should know
dinner-table biology
dad has to go
three shows
remedial self-help
the last word
look before you leak
a gooder name
can i keep this?
missing keri
three percenter
things that are yellow
adopt you
37 years in 5 minutes
finish pooping please
marcher
warrior, part ii
go hide
be a warrior
you rang
your name's what?
motherhood
how'd that get in there?
i don't do that
i gotta know
i don't like that
confused (part i)
show me
the uphill battle
life post-larry
hey, i know you
smell my finger
who are you, supergirl?
the lie
i gotta go!
easy money
thanks for telling me
i need a minute
he's only five!
you in the closet?
reach into daddy's pocket
look into my eyes
is that my toothbrush?
overall funk
talk to my people
it's also neat
is there any other kind
did you read that article
the exchange student
hey boo-boo
he does have his limits
i said no!
may i have your attention?
i have a question
but it's dirty
that explains it
museum naked
feelin' sexy
little bo sheep
infinitesimal talk
hale bop alula
ipod you
thanking delusion
chiniqua
circuitious
what did you say?
the reflex
oh that kind of house
would you mind?
naked
excuse me ladies
is that egg on your face?
boy genius
questions aren't dumb
the wedding toast (part i)
andy gibb is coming
ring the bell sir
the party line
i need penis problems
grab a kneeler
drive faster mom!
white castle
heat sucks
the wrong question
special hole
you order wrong
who's circumcised

REMEDIAL SELF-HELP
< prev next >
CAST: bookguy and troy
SETTING:   driving in car
SCENE: a conversation from the tail end of a long day in the car many, many years ago.

BOOKGUY
it's unfortunate we live in a society where we are conditioned against giving people fully candid advice. in most cases it is only the totally honest truth that will help someone improve.

TROY
but folks are too fragile. and who's to say that the speaker's opinion is qualified or rational to begin with. if you got some idiot spouting moronic commentary off in your face you're likely to smack them and then look at the mess you got.

BOOKGUY
the problem is the idiot is spouting off their moronic commentary anyway, just not in front of you. i should get to hear what people, even if they are a jackass, really think so i can decide wether it has merit or not.

TROY
well, since those jackasses sometimes share their opinions in front of me, i could tell you what folks are saying and that would almost be as good as hearing it firsthand.

BOOKGUY
yeah, i got some things on you too.

TROY
so an honesty exchange of sorts?

BOOKGUY
sure. we got three hours left on this trip and you're getting less charming with each mile marker.

TROY
ok. who goes first?

BOOKGUY
you.

TROY
all right. well. you're brash. you're disrespectful of people who know less than you about technology ... joann actually calls you a technology bigot ... and you beat people down publicly when you should maybe do it in private.

BOOKGUY
ok. i guess all of that is fair.

TROY
agreed. ok, my turn. you go.

BOOKGUY
well. let's see. you can be whiny. you pout if you don't get your way. you hold grudges way too long.

TROY
WHAT! who the hell said that about me?

BOOKGUY
what do you mean who said that?

TROY
i mean who thinks that about me?

BOOKGUY
I think that about you.

TROY
YOU! you're supposed to say what other people think about me! not what you think!.

BOOKGUY
OH! i thought we were being honest with each other.

TROY
god no! i don't want to know what people who know me think about me. i want to know what people who don't know me think about me.

BOOKGUY (burst out laughing)
ha. i'm sorry. i guess i misunderstood the rules.

TROY
yeah. i guess you did. and when you get done guffawing i've got another observation or two for your soon-to-be-growing pile of personality flaws.



and i'm a little embarrassed to say how hard it was to not whine, arms-folded pout or be spiteful towards bookguy for the rest of the ride given his bonehead mis-step.



REMEDIAL SELF-HELP
< prev next >


Welcome Professional MonoRail TroyScripts Gallery