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LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAK
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CAST: bella and troy
SETTING:   bathroom
SCENE: bella is intently watching me clean the toilet with a scrub-brush.

BELLA
i have a good rule for when boys go pee in the toilet.

TROY
oh you do? what would that rule be?

BELLA (pointing to toilet rim)
they should wipe this off when they're done.

TROY
oh should they?

BELLA
yes. because that way if a girl comes in to go potty at night and forgets to check the seat and sits down on that part, it is not dirty.

TROY
well i have good rule for girls to follow when they go potty.

BELLA
you do?

TROY
yes.

BELLA
what is it?

TROY
don't forget to put the seat down.

BELLA (looking amazed)
that's it?

TROY
yep.

BELLA
i don't think that is a very good rule.

TROY
neither does your mother.



now this is a societal point i've never understood. why is it men are supposed to lift and then lower the lid every time they urinate? does it not make leagues more sense for the lid to always be up and whenever someone, anyone, needs to use it, it gets lowered. when you're done raise it again. this way it remains protected and pristine until its use is required. if you find yourself resistant to this notion, consider it for awhile, its logic will touch you.

additionally, there was a time i thought this was a guy/girl issue but i've since heard a number of war stories regarding womens' public restrooms that has me convinced ladies should be more scared of their own ilk than they should be of mens' sophomoric attention spans. i'm astonished by some of the atrocities that go on behind those stall doors. the fairer sex my ass.




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