TROYSCRIPTS

About
the troyscripts explained

Archives
logic
sobbing
humiliated
jack, you're in
slackers need not apply
how does this work
rat-fink
mixed-up
rockwell christmas
me-minus
house rules
motivation
confidence
player
vcr
cool and sophisticated
new game
boyfriend
a hole
questions
battle
got religion
realization
i can read
so ya know
don't walk
misdirected
potty words
unexpected
critique
thursday morning
bathroom words
acting out
got milk?
problem solving
timing
totally awesome
dry meat
the c-word
beatdown
mouthache
punked
good to know
adults only
take your meds
onslaught
enjoy your anger
crystal clear
pint size pi
good thinking
i get your wieners
incompetence
oh yeah
shame on you
street credit
get your ass out here
uhhhhmmm
daredevil's club
found
schooled
stand-off
once upon a time
philosophies
sleeping naked
short-lived
keep it down up there
little things
eighteen years
multi-purpose
old (part ii)
curious
no secrets
adolescence
old
sugar-coated
new mom
outmatched
different
mercial
confused
calling home
oma
flavored and scented
try again
just a child
a pack of lies
now?
i'm not sleeping there
smart, smart girl
don't feed the animals
free pizza
the bedtime story
currency
you should know
dinner-table biology
dad has to go
three shows
remedial self-help
the last word
look before you leak
a gooder name
can i keep this?
missing keri
three percenter
things that are yellow
adopt you
37 years in 5 minutes
finish pooping please
marcher
warrior, part ii
go hide
be a warrior
you rang
your name's what?
motherhood
how'd that get in there?
i don't do that
i gotta know
i don't like that
confused (part i)
show me
the uphill battle
life post-larry
hey, i know you
smell my finger
who are you, supergirl?
the lie
i gotta go!
easy money
thanks for telling me
i need a minute
he's only five!
you in the closet?
reach into daddy's pocket
look into my eyes
is that my toothbrush?
overall funk
talk to my people
it's also neat
is there any other kind
did you read that article
the exchange student
hey boo-boo
he does have his limits
i said no!
may i have your attention?
i have a question
but it's dirty
that explains it
museum naked
feelin' sexy
little bo sheep
infinitesimal talk
hale bop alula
ipod you
thanking delusion
chiniqua
circuitious
what did you say?
the reflex
oh that kind of house
would you mind?
naked
excuse me ladies
is that egg on your face?
boy genius
questions aren't dumb
the wedding toast (part i)
andy gibb is coming
ring the bell sir
the party line
i need penis problems
grab a kneeler
drive faster mom!
white castle
heat sucks
the wrong question
special hole
you order wrong
who's circumcised

BUT IT'S DIRTY
< prev next >
CAST: strong handshake girl, darkman, bomber and myself
SETTING:   dinner party
SCENE: a group of us sitting around after dinner and a conversation breaks out about, of all things, circumcision. for the life of me, i can't remember who initially brought it up.

STRONG HANDSHAKE GIRL
who wants to deal with an uncircumcised penis anyway.

TROY
maybe the guy it belonged to.

STRONG HANDSHAKE GIRL
if a guy isn't circumcised, then the girl has to worry about what all is hiding up in there. it could be filthy. how gross is that.

TROY
i should think that a fellow would know how to clean himself if that's what he always had. and, if he didn't you'd have other, greater hygiene issues to contend with anyway.

STRONG HANDSHAKE GIRL
i just don't have faith it wouldn't be a mess.

TROY
that's rich. women are sportin a veritable petri dish given all those labial folds and crannies carrying everything from underwear lint to 3 month old soap scum.

STRONG HANDSHAKE GIRL
well i trust a woman to be able to keep that all clean over a guy any day. they'd have no prayer.

TROY
if a guy always had foreskin it's not like there'd be pustulating ooze and loose change falling out of the thing.

STRONG HANDSHAKE GIRL
ok, i think we just entered into a state of too much information.

DARKMAN
so troy, how's your circumcision boycott doing anyway.

TROY
tied for second. i'm real surprised it's not doing better.

BOMBER
and what's the most boycotted item.

TROY(looking at strong handshake girl)
the phrase "too much information".

STRONG HANDSHAKE GIRL
(rolls eyes and looks away)



would you believe that was the second person who made that argument that same day. some of you may be wondering who has two conversations about circumcision with women they don't know but all i'm thinking is after having two circumcision related conversations with two strange women every day for the last 12 years, how come i've never encountered this argument before. baffling. total bullshit. but, baffling all the same.



BUT IT'S DIRTY
< prev next >


Welcome Professional MonoRail TroyScripts Gallery